I was used to being approached, introduced, followed up by others. I thought it's the ideal, what is right at all times. Now, I experience the opposite and it gives me feelings of disappointment and indifference. In one gospel I heard at mass last week, I came across a familiar story of a mother who seeks out Jesus to heal her demon-possessed daughter. She has a need, she is the one who seek out Jesus. The disciples were ready to reject her and Jesus even ignored her to test her faith. She passed all the tests, and Jesus praised her faith and the daughter was healed. Hearing this story reminds me that even if Jesus loves all of us, he wants to see our faith in action. Our act of seeking out to him without being discouraged of people around us or stereotypes and actually standing strong to our faith, amazes Jesus. When I recalled, there a lot of miracles happened to other people who seek out to Jesus: lame and four friends, Roman centurion, paralytic, leper and others. I realized, it's not always that God and people reached out to us to seek him, there are also times we need to seek out ourselves. After the mass, I wanted to talk to the priest. I thought to line at the pew, I waited for about 15 minutes for the person to finish his confession but when he finished, I thought that the priest will say, next, seeing that I'm there at the pew. But the priest went inside maybe thinking that I'm just sitting there praying and meditating in the chapel. The other day, I lined again and waited. I see people going to the priest to talk, ask for prayers, ask for blessing of their rosary and confess. This time, I observed. I liked the eagerness of the people as they approach the priest. I said to myself, I want to be like that.
Including here the prayer of Mother Teresa.
Deliver me, O Jesus,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being honored,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,
From the desire of being popular,
From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being suspected.
I wanted to write in my heart and mind as I often forget. That when we seek out to be attended for, we chose to seek out others who wanted to be attended.
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